SEX

Sometimes it seems like you don’t have full control in your life. It feels like everyone’s always telling you what to do – teachers, coaches, parents, older siblings – the list goes on. But what if there were a way you could be in control? Be in Charge is here to help you make informed decisions that will affect your life in a positive way. We’ll give you facts about your physical and emotional health and show you the benefits of abstinence. You may not always get to call the shots, but when it comes to your health, you can always be in charge.

By abstinence, we mean avoiding oral sex, anal sex and vaginal sex.

TOPICS

Being curious about sex at your age is natural and normal. However, experimenting with sex to satisfy your curiosity can be an unhealthy way for you to learn about sex. It can lead to consequences such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases and infections (STD/STIs), including HIV. These consequences can alter your life and get in the way of your goals and dreams.

We want you to know that at your age the proud and responsible things to remember are:

  • It’s OK to THINK about sex.
  • It’s OK to TALK about sex.
  • It’s OK to DEVELOP feelings and attitudes about sex.

BUT it’s NOT a good idea to HAVE sex because sexual activity puts you at risk for HIV, STD/STIs and unplanned pregnancy. These consequences can keep you from reaching your goals.

Remember…

  • 750,000 teenage girls become pregnant each year in the US
  • You can’t tell if someone has an STD/STI just by looking at them
  • Few teen moms graduate from high school
  • 1 in 4 sexually active teens has an STD/STI
  • Most teen moms end up on welfare
  • Millions of teens contract an STD/STI each year

Making the Right Choices for You

It can be hard to make a decision – especially when you have to do it fast! Sometimes emotions can influence your thinking and make it even harder to choose. Problem solving techniques give you strategies to deal with a problem. While this technique is great to use when faced with a sexual decision, it can be useful for any problem you face.

Problem Solving Techniques

STOP

  • Stay calm, take a deep breath, be in control of myself
  • Identify feelings – mine and the other person’s

THINK

  • What is the problem or conflict about?
  • What do I want?
  • What do I need to know?
  • What are the alternatives?
  • What are the consequences?

ACT

  • Evaluate
  • Make the best choice
  • Think about it again
  • Get help, if necessary
  • Make a new choice

But what about after you STOP, THINK and ACT? How do you really communicate with other people? The SWAT method of negotiation can help you out.

The SWAT method of negotiation

S – Say no effectively
W – Why – give a clear reason for not doing the behavior
A – Alternative – suggest an alternative action or suggest something else you might do that is safe
T – Talk it out – discuss your feelings about the behavior

Say No Effectively

  • Use and repeat the word “no” often
  • Send a strong nonverbal “no” with your body language, e.g., use hand and body gestures to emphasize the point
  • Project a strong, business-like tone of voice
  • Look directly at the person’s face and eyes
  • Stand straight and tall
  • Use a serious facial expression
  • Don’t send mixed signals

Examples

  • No! I’m not ready to have sex yet!
  • No! I do not want to have sex!
  • No! I don’t want to touch you there!
  • No! Stop trying to unbutton my pants!
  • No! I’m not going to have sex with you!
  • No! I really mean ‘no’!
  • No! I do not want you to touch me there!

Why – Give Clear Reasons to Support Your Choice

Examples

  • I want to finish school before I start having sex. I want to stay a virgin, for now.
  • I’m not ready for sex.
  • I respect myself and want to protect myself by not having sex.
  • Reaching my future goals is more important than having sex.
  • I want to avoid HIV, other STD/STIs and unplanned pregnancy.
  • I have my whole life to experience sex. I’m too young right now.
  • I’m not ready to be a parent.

Alternatives – Suggest Another Action

Examples

  • Let’s check out a movie on cable.
  • I’d rather play some video games.
  • Let’s talk about some sexual activities that are OK for both of us.
  • We could fix something to eat.
  • I’d like to go for a walk outside.
  • I’m really thirsty, can we get something to drink?
  • Let’s get out of the bedroom. It makes me feel uncomfortable.
  • sexual things are OK, but no sexual intercourse of any kind.

Talk it Out

Examples

  • I feel that waiting is the best choice.
  • I’m not ready to have a baby.
  • I feel intimate and close with you already. We don’t have to have sex.
  • I feel like you don’t really care about me when you pressure me like this.
  • I would feel a lot better if we waited.
  • I’m not ready for sexual intercourse.
  • Thanks for understanding my need to wait. I feel like you really love me.
  • I’m glad you agreed to not have sex. I feel like you really care about me.
  • If you can’t respect my feelings, then I’m prepared to end this relationship.

You can say “NO”, even if you’ve said “yes” in the past. It’s never too late to change your mind and start making healthy choices.

Think ahead and have a game plan before you end up in a compromising situation.

Information on this page is taken from the Making a Difference! curriculum by Select Media.